A daytrip this week has made me question whether I should ever leave the house again - at least not until the kids are at university. Here’s my list of no-nos when planning a family excursion.
1. Don’t expect to leave on time.
“We have to leave by 8.30am at the latest so the baby can nap and have his next feed at 10.” At 9.50am we were still in our local petrol station. The toddler informed me he was ready to get out. Fortunately I was able to pretend I couldn’t hear him, thanks to the increasingly deafening screaming emanating from the other car seat.
2. Don’t borrow your sister’s cherished Fiat 500.
Within ten minutes of leaving the house, two traffic lanes merged. We tried edging in, but the driver of the Chelsea tractor beside us was having none of it. We persisted. So did Mr Chelsea tractor. The tractor won. We gulped as we heard the scrape of the behemoth’s bumper against our cutesy Fiat. Ouch.
3. Don’t pay £30 to get into an attraction.
Having forked out £15 each for one of Kent’s finest historic sites, our two-year-old preferred to concentrate on sifting through gravel (“sharks in here Mummy”), heaving a large wooden train into the soft play zone and refining his sliding skills. “What was your favourite thing about today?” I asked later, fervently hoping he’d impress me with newly acquired historical knowledge. “The playground.”
4. Don’t expect the baby to sleep at night.
Well, Mummy and Daddy, you did deposit me in the car seat for an hour and half each way, then trundled me round in the pram all day. Did you really expect me to stay awake? Having slept so much he’d virtually entered a new time zone, the little tike then paid us back for the lack of stimulation by waking the next morning before dawn had even considered cracking.
5. Don’t expect to enjoy yourselves.
At the beginning of the summer, we dreamed of idyllic family outings where all would feel relaxed. Lower your expectations. Anticipate the worst, and you might end up having fun.
